Monday, August 2
Suddenly I thought
When it comes to treating the close and personal.
Maybe it is my bitchy self rearing its ugly head or my alter ego emerging from its occasional sleep modes. But sometimes I can't help but think, perhaps it really is just me being ... me.
People I ever dated know best. Of how grouchy I can really be. How judgmental, and harsh, and rude, and oppressively tyrant.
And the thing is, sometimes I really am sorry for my unreasonable self or the brutally tactless words that I sprouted. But like most tyrants, I've never gotten down to using the S word on any regular basis.
Dee asked me, how I could be so level headed and be so ... 'childish' at the same time. Since I've been down the same road with my two headed self before, I could answer it almost flawlessly: that I think with my rational side of the brain, and act with my emotional side, or a.k.a the childish side. The side which dictates that I get all whiny, complainy, and totally unreasonable at times.
When treating ex- boyfriends, I am mostly level headed in both thinking and actions. Frankly they seem to like it; after all, that seems to be a superbly nice upgrade from my previous behavior as a girlfriend. But I am that only because I am cool and detached, and as interested in their lives as I would be interested in the life of the old cranky woman who lives across the street.
Then I tried to see if I could be childish in both thinking and actions. I started by attributing my getting rashes all over my body to cosmic bad karma for leaving my pet hamster outside my house for more than a week, to battle on its own, all the poisonous traffic rubbish from the virtually perpetual rush hours.
And that as I sit here typing this entry, it is still out there, feeding on the dust covered sunflower seeds or choking on the air which contains little oxygen coz I am angry at it for bringing this upon me.
Suddenly it feels good, coz there is suddenly a simple graspable reason for every happening. No more complicated reasonings or train thoughts to places where you might end up feeling more helpless.
And I heard that, if I could keep up this kinda thinking and behavior for a couple of months or so, I might even be stamped an approval seal for entry into the Club of the Bimbos ... Finally. Every little girl's dream, and most guys' pride. A certified bimbotic girlfriend. No more tyrannic oppression. Just breasts and yes-s.
I can be such an A(sshole) person.
When it comes to treating the close and personal.
Maybe it is my bitchy self rearing its ugly head or my alter ego emerging from its occasional sleep modes. But sometimes I can't help but think, perhaps it really is just me being ... me.
People I ever dated know best. Of how grouchy I can really be. How judgmental, and harsh, and rude, and oppressively tyrant.
And the thing is, sometimes I really am sorry for my unreasonable self or the brutally tactless words that I sprouted. But like most tyrants, I've never gotten down to using the S word on any regular basis.
Dee asked me, how I could be so level headed and be so ... 'childish' at the same time. Since I've been down the same road with my two headed self before, I could answer it almost flawlessly: that I think with my rational side of the brain, and act with my emotional side, or a.k.a the childish side. The side which dictates that I get all whiny, complainy, and totally unreasonable at times.
When treating ex- boyfriends, I am mostly level headed in both thinking and actions. Frankly they seem to like it; after all, that seems to be a superbly nice upgrade from my previous behavior as a girlfriend. But I am that only because I am cool and detached, and as interested in their lives as I would be interested in the life of the old cranky woman who lives across the street.
Then I tried to see if I could be childish in both thinking and actions. I started by attributing my getting rashes all over my body to cosmic bad karma for leaving my pet hamster outside my house for more than a week, to battle on its own, all the poisonous traffic rubbish from the virtually perpetual rush hours.
And that as I sit here typing this entry, it is still out there, feeding on the dust covered sunflower seeds or choking on the air which contains little oxygen coz I am angry at it for bringing this upon me.
Suddenly it feels good, coz there is suddenly a simple graspable reason for every happening. No more complicated reasonings or train thoughts to places where you might end up feeling more helpless.
And I heard that, if I could keep up this kinda thinking and behavior for a couple of months or so, I might even be stamped an approval seal for entry into the Club of the Bimbos ... Finally. Every little girl's dream, and most guys' pride. A certified bimbotic girlfriend. No more tyrannic oppression. Just breasts and yes-s.
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